'Scuse Me While My Team Cashes This Check My Mouth Wrote (aka Smack Talk)

Alright, owners.  Draft, check.  Week one, out the door.  Week two, down and done.  Here we are at week three and I think it is time that we all get a lesson Smack Talk.

For our purposes, I did some research on a variety of Fantasy Football websites, Urban Dictionary, You Tube, and some really, really aggressively written blogs, and think I came up with a language that our SunFun team can use to define these otherwise ominous and intimidating interactions.  Please feel free to add your own flair, especially because da da da daaaa SUNDAYFUNDAY CONTEST!!!!!!!  The Owner with the BEST, Most Creative, Clever, Classic, SMACK Talk line of this Season will have their little zinger embalzoned on a girlie long sleeve tee, along with their team name, maybe even with their choice of color etc.  Keep in mind that I used to be in a sorority, so I actually know how to get things like this made.  All prizes, gifts and winners will be praised at the TBA awards ceremony.  Smack talk must be posted on our Yahoo League Wall [anywhere] or in any of the comments section of this blog. 

Without further ado, let Smack 101 commence:

Smack Talk: Universal language of respect in fantasy football, critical to being a player, playa, and payer hater.  In short, smack can be defined as clever, eloquent and spontaneous one liners, perfectly timed that adds fuel to competition.  There are a few key categories of Smack Talk that pertain to FF, some of which may be easier to start with than others.
 

Self Promotion- pumping yourself, your team, your womanhood, your own bad assness up.  If you were a car, it would be a raised Humvee with tinted windows and you have spinning rims.  There are key moments when you can take advantage of some self promotional spouting:

• pre-draft [eh, maybe next year gals]
• pre- matchup
• pre- playoffs
• pre- championships

Self promotion smack talk should be the most natural, the most biting, and obviously the opportunity and material is already built into the schedule.

Rude, Crude, Obscene- if I have to explain what this would sound like, you should probably not be in our league.  Check out this classic rude, crude smack from some boys who just want to play ball.

Statistics Based Smack: nailing others based on their win/loss records, player statistics, historical fantasy football performances.  Clearly, unless we all begin to pay more attention to the deeper statistics, this may be a stretch goal.
 

Educational and Informative Smack: metaphorical “check up from the neck ups” for those who have continuously had players in their lineup during a bye week.  An even better example is Team SnakeJuice posting on team HGONGA’s Facebook page heckling the co-comissioner for not remembering to start a kicker (even though I thought I had confirmed the changes dammit).

 

Additional Ideas:
- Old school smack talk [Google “The Crusher”]
- Easy Targets: whiners, underperforners, owners who just don’t learn, loud mouths.

So, get it started and remember that Sh*t talk is HILARIOUS, but it is so easy that a plastic can do it [see below].  Be clever, be cutting, and be an owner of a football team.