Tom Brady, Cam Newton might as well be playing Connect Four; Schooled by 5’2” blonde Wolf and cub

Original plan was (and still is) to produce various multimedia recaps for each week.  Week one provided me with a lot of material, particularly because I have Tom Brady, who basically spanked a “case of the Mondays” outta me for good.

However, outside of the excitement of our league starting, the barbaric grunting, wagering, trading, smack talking, and cheering, a very very pregnant Co-Commissioner patiently waited for her game to start.  Without revealing details that are not mine to divulge, or make up details for the sake of embellishment, let’s all take a moment and acknowledge that Week One of Fantasy Football was pretty fun.  But, seriously, these pansies on the field couldn’t handle what women do.  Like such:

·         Let’s say a game lasts for 3 hours (being REALLY generous here).  Anna was in the delivery room for 62 hours.  That is over 20 football games!  To put it in further context, teams play 16 games during the season (17 weeks, 1 bye week).  Anna could have watched every single game in the 2010 Oakland Raiders season and still needed to watch 4 more football games until little Charlie came into the world.   Sidenote, if this strategy were to ever be employed, the increased uptake in immediate epidurals would be staggering.

·         QB’s, arguably the player with the most field time, are active about 50% on the field.  So, 90 minutes per game.   I don’t have to even go into more detail here, do I?  I could also talk about how they sit on benches and drink water and get their limbs stretched by people, but again, that is just too easy.  As you moms know, there is no offense or defense during childbirth.  While Brady sat on the bench and took his helmet off and shook his sweaty head, waiting for the water boy to bring him a beverage, a towel, and news of how hot his wife is…he didn’t have to gestate a child in his womb and worry about getting it out, did he?  Right.

It’s really not even worth it to go down the feminist rabbit hole comparing football and childbirth, and I actually don’t want too.  OK, well, maybe a little.  This is the first of many congratulations to Anna and Matt and a big welcome to Charlie Wolf.  He’s got really big shoes to fill, and I am really interested to see the kind of hybrid athlete-nerd that he grows up to be.  His parents are pretty cool and their family is already bursting with love, can’t wait to watch that kid grow up!

Great job Anna.  You are our MVP and [co] Commissioner, you literally one upped everyone in our league.  That was BAD ASSERY, plain and simple. 

Leche Leaguer – keep us posted =)